Around this time of year I usually write a post about what I am going to do next year. I can say usually because this is the third New Years post I have written for I’m Every Woman… Where has the time gone!
It has been a stellar year for me. It has been the kind of year that would have played well on a reality show. Full of ups and downs… elation and sadness… surprises and just plain weirdness.
So let me recap
Career
Dec 18 of 2007 stepped through the door to my new office, not really knowing what would come of this new job. 12 months later The work I have done on some just really fun projects have earned me the privilege of being a featured speaker or panelist six times, I have been quoted in 3 publications including Business Week, and I even won a national award. I LOVE THIS JOB!
Babies
One of my friends had all her prayers answered and she had a baby boy… my godson. Then… about 3 weeks later my brother who swore he would never have any children welcomed is daughter into the world…my niece.
Travel
Between work and play this year I went to San Jose, OC/LA, Boston, New York, Austin, Dallas, Rome, Venice and London… It sure was fun but boy am I tired!
I also celebrated year one in my house, bought a new car, dropped my oldest daughter off for her first day of high school, I was consumed by the election and so excited about our new president.
After this year I feel like anything can happen. I am for the first time in a long time excited about the possibilities. So what am I gonna do next year? I really don’t know. I am sure that the year will be filled with all kinds of crazy adventures and new opportunities. But while all that is going on…
A- I am going to loose this 20 pounds that I put on this year, plus hopefully a little more. I guess all the excitement made me hungry! I am going to be passionate about my health in 2009
B- I am going to go back to school. I found what I think is the right masters program for me. I am going to apply go, and hopefully finish before I have to drop my daughter off at college
C- I am going to be even more diligent about my finances. I have this dream of getting 2 mortgage payments in the bank
D- I want to try and get all of the anger and hate and animosity that I held for the people that have done me wrong out of my heart. Clean slates for everyone in 2009
I like the new year because it gives you place to reflect on how far you have come, and it gives you a natural place to call a re-do on anything you need improve on.
What are you going to do in 2009? What have you been through and what do you need to call a re-do on?
Showing posts with label I know. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I know. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Thursday, May 1, 2008
What I know about: Pooing or Getting off the Pot
By Jennifer Texada
I would like to tell you the story of the little wifey who cried fowl! Every 6 months her hubby would do something that was so much fun for him but she did not like it at all. When she found out what he did she began to shot "FOWL" you are a bad bad man and I don't like you. If you do that again I will go away and never ever come back. She yelled so loud that the children and the dog, and her mom and dad and all of the village could hear her shouts. All of the people said "He had better never do that again or she will for sure keep her promise and never return". So he said "So sorry my dear I will never do it again".
I would like to tell you the story of the little wifey who cried fowl! Every 6 months her hubby would do something that was so much fun for him but she did not like it at all. When she found out what he did she began to shot "FOWL" you are a bad bad man and I don't like you. If you do that again I will go away and never ever come back. She yelled so loud that the children and the dog, and her mom and dad and all of the village could hear her shouts. All of the people said "He had better never do that again or she will for sure keep her promise and never return". So he said "So sorry my dear I will never do it again".
These are basic "street sense" rules... Don't make threats you can't deliver on. That does not mean that you should not stand up for yourself, it just means that in the heat of anger choose your words carefully.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
What I've Learned: Lessons from a bigot
By. Jennifer Texada
Got into another heated debate with a single man that will remain nameless, about women and how he feels about us in general. His perspective goes something like this. “Every time something bad in my life has happened a woman has been in the room.” He went on to include gems like "Women never do anything for you, they are only out to use men."He ended that sentence with “except you” What a charmer.
I felt like for a moment I was talking to a bigot. If he had replaced “woman” with "the N word" in every sentence he would have sounded like a klan member. I have heard people of other races say to me…Blacks are this and blacks are that, but not you, you are different. This did not make me feel any better about the statements. I still take them to heart and an insult to my people, still feels like an insult to me. My race, my gender, my family, my hometown...
When I could not take it anymore, and went straight into defensive mode. I
- pointed out the flaws in his reasoning
- mentioned that I had men were not so flawless either, and
- every time these “bad things” happened there were two people in the room, the evil bad woman and HIM!
In hind sight, I was wrong. I have seen the skinheads on Maury, and that approach never works!I should have just told him how sad I feel for him. That his way of life is only damaging him, and his potential for happiness. Those people who hurt him have won for as long as he allows this way of thinking hold him back. They have stolen his faith in half of mankind, and if they are all as bad as he says they are, the do not deserve that privilege.
Then I realized... is this what I sound like when I am mad at my ex? I have sat around with girlfriends and talked about how men stink, or why they do some of the awful things they do. I don’t really think that all men stink. Despite my negative experiences, I think that there are some wonderful men out there in the world. Ones that are responsible and smart and do an excellent job taking care of their families.
Thank you…you know who you are... for you bigoted opinion of an entire gender, and your willingness to share your venomous hatred with me. I have been self checked. I will from now on try my best not to participate in man bashing sessions. I see first hand the kind of damage this behavior can do in a life.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
What I know: About Raising a Child with Dicipline
By Jennifer Texada
It is not my intention to brag when I say that I have a great kid, despite the fact that she is a teenager. She is smart, articulate confident and generally well behaved. I am genuinely proud of the young lady that she is. She did not get that way by accident. She has a parent.
I was barley 22 years old and fresh out of undergrad when she burst into my life. It was my intention from the start to make sure despite our circumstances she would not be a statistic, but a success. I did not really know what I was doing, but I did know that I wanted to give her the tools she would need to survive and thrive in this world.
I felt that in order to be a success in this world she needed to be: Confident, respectful, articulate, purposeful, creative, driven, happy, tolerant, loyal and ultimately self-disciplined. I think she is almost there.
There are three things that I can point to that I think have helped us get to where we are today.
For every action there is an equal reaction. Bad behavior has consequences are apparent and diverse. The correction began before she turned two years old. There were spankings, but not just spankings. There was grounding, and time out, and extra chores. She was corrected by Nana, and aunties, and uncles. She was corrected immediately, so that she knew that crime equals punishment. Finally we talked she always knew why she was being corrected and new how to avoid making the same mistake twice. The fact that there are consequences to bad behavior has been a consistent part of her life. My hope is that she will take that lesson with her when she walks out the door to start her adult life.
It has been established that home is a safe place to express your feelings. We talk. I try my best not to cringe or judge or condescend when she needs to talk to me about things that concern her. If she does not agree with a rule she know we can talk about it. If she does something wrong, she knows it is safe to confess. So far she has not felt the need to yell, or scream or disrespect me in efforts to express her feelings. My hope is that no matter what stage she is at in her life she will know that she is not alone, she can always call her mother. It is easier to be confident when you know you have support.
Consistency is key. The rules were put in place at least 12 years ago (she is almost 14 now). We have been following the rules every day since then. When new questions arise we create a new rule and stick to it. There is always room for discussion but it is common knowledge that in mommy's house there are rules. Rules that were created for the safety and success of the children trying to learn how to grow into successful women.
Within it all God, and faith play a big part in our home. She has been encouraged to discover her own relationship with God and faith, and in that she is beginning to find self discipline.
I have one more daughter. I am putting her through the same program. So far, despite the fact that she is much more strong willed, than her sister was at her age, she is beginning to get with the program. Check back in about 7 years , and we will see if this all still rings true and if I really do know anything about raising a disciplined child?
It is not my intention to brag when I say that I have a great kid, despite the fact that she is a teenager. She is smart, articulate confident and generally well behaved. I am genuinely proud of the young lady that she is. She did not get that way by accident. She has a parent.
I was barley 22 years old and fresh out of undergrad when she burst into my life. It was my intention from the start to make sure despite our circumstances she would not be a statistic, but a success. I did not really know what I was doing, but I did know that I wanted to give her the tools she would need to survive and thrive in this world.
I felt that in order to be a success in this world she needed to be: Confident, respectful, articulate, purposeful, creative, driven, happy, tolerant, loyal and ultimately self-disciplined. I think she is almost there.
There are three things that I can point to that I think have helped us get to where we are today.
For every action there is an equal reaction. Bad behavior has consequences are apparent and diverse. The correction began before she turned two years old. There were spankings, but not just spankings. There was grounding, and time out, and extra chores. She was corrected by Nana, and aunties, and uncles. She was corrected immediately, so that she knew that crime equals punishment. Finally we talked she always knew why she was being corrected and new how to avoid making the same mistake twice. The fact that there are consequences to bad behavior has been a consistent part of her life. My hope is that she will take that lesson with her when she walks out the door to start her adult life.
It has been established that home is a safe place to express your feelings. We talk. I try my best not to cringe or judge or condescend when she needs to talk to me about things that concern her. If she does not agree with a rule she know we can talk about it. If she does something wrong, she knows it is safe to confess. So far she has not felt the need to yell, or scream or disrespect me in efforts to express her feelings. My hope is that no matter what stage she is at in her life she will know that she is not alone, she can always call her mother. It is easier to be confident when you know you have support.
Consistency is key. The rules were put in place at least 12 years ago (she is almost 14 now). We have been following the rules every day since then. When new questions arise we create a new rule and stick to it. There is always room for discussion but it is common knowledge that in mommy's house there are rules. Rules that were created for the safety and success of the children trying to learn how to grow into successful women.
Within it all God, and faith play a big part in our home. She has been encouraged to discover her own relationship with God and faith, and in that she is beginning to find self discipline.
I have one more daughter. I am putting her through the same program. So far, despite the fact that she is much more strong willed, than her sister was at her age, she is beginning to get with the program. Check back in about 7 years , and we will see if this all still rings true and if I really do know anything about raising a disciplined child?
Thursday, January 10, 2008
What I Know About: Handing it Over
By Jennifer Texada
Earlier this week, I was having a conversation. I was asked if I would "snap" if I saw my guy with another woman. I said no. To that I was told, that I was mistaken, that everyone has a breaking point, and if pressured enough everyone has the potential to do it. THEN! I was told that I have probably never been through anything devastating enough, to understand the feeling.
I have snapped before. Been so angry that I lashed out. I have let my emotions get the best of me, everyone has. I have just finally started to understand that I don't have to do all that.
Those days where people do things that hurt me will still come. I may indeed see my guy with another woman one day. But now, when I am faced with a burden so heavy that I am in danger of buckling under the pressure, or snapping under the strain, I have learned how to had that over to God. He is way stronger than me, and my little burdens will never cause him to snap.
Don't get me wrong it is not automatic. It takes, faith and strength to get to a place where you have the ability in those moments of strife to hand it over. But if your goal is to achieve peace and maintain happiness even through the storms it can be done
Earlier this week, I was having a conversation. I was asked if I would "snap" if I saw my guy with another woman. I said no. To that I was told, that I was mistaken, that everyone has a breaking point, and if pressured enough everyone has the potential to do it. THEN! I was told that I have probably never been through anything devastating enough, to understand the feeling.
I have snapped before. Been so angry that I lashed out. I have let my emotions get the best of me, everyone has. I have just finally started to understand that I don't have to do all that.
Those days where people do things that hurt me will still come. I may indeed see my guy with another woman one day. But now, when I am faced with a burden so heavy that I am in danger of buckling under the pressure, or snapping under the strain, I have learned how to had that over to God. He is way stronger than me, and my little burdens will never cause him to snap.
Don't get me wrong it is not automatic. It takes, faith and strength to get to a place where you have the ability in those moments of strife to hand it over. But if your goal is to achieve peace and maintain happiness even through the storms it can be done
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
What I know: Being a Blessing
I am sure that you will all be glad to know that I did it. Around this time last year I wrote a post about looking forward, and not looking back in 2007. Well I stuck to it. In 2007 I moved forward is many aspects of my life. I can truly say I am not the same woman that I was on Jan 5, 2007.
So here we are Jan. 2, 2008, coming off what I feel like was a big win. Ready to claim my goals for this year. I aspire to gain for more control in my finances and more control of my diet. I just want to be more, do more, build upon the momentum that has begun.
In 2008 I will do more.
I have been blessed with a home, a great job, beautiful children, great friends, & people who love me. Most days I go home to my house and my kids, cook dinner and settle in for a night of tv. Sure I am kinda active in the church, and I sometimes have pto meetings or work functions to go to, but most nights it is just me and the tv.
The point is I have more to give than what I am giving. I could be a bigger blessing, or become a better parent, or start a new business. I can do more.
So here we are Jan. 2, 2008, coming off what I feel like was a big win. Ready to claim my goals for this year. I aspire to gain for more control in my finances and more control of my diet. I just want to be more, do more, build upon the momentum that has begun.
In 2008 I will do more.
I have been blessed with a home, a great job, beautiful children, great friends, & people who love me. Most days I go home to my house and my kids, cook dinner and settle in for a night of tv. Sure I am kinda active in the church, and I sometimes have pto meetings or work functions to go to, but most nights it is just me and the tv.
The point is I have more to give than what I am giving. I could be a bigger blessing, or become a better parent, or start a new business. I can do more.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
What I know: Surprise you’re pregnant!
By Jennifer Texada
A very close friend was recently stunned by the news of her own pregnancy. This struck me as odd because she has been praying that she would someday have a child for at least the past 2 years. She has complained endlessly about her desire to get pregnant, her fears of not being able to get pregnant and her regrets for not thinking about this earlier in her life.
So, on Sunday morning I got a call. The stick had one and a half lines, and she was almost in tears. I instructed her to go pee on another stick. On Monday morning I called her “What’s the word?” I asked. The stick had two solid pink lines, and she made the blood test appointment. My response was Hooray!! I am so happy for you, let’s plan the baby shower!! She did not cry, but it was clear that she was not ready to plan the shower.
Her response to this joyous occasion went something like this “But it’s not the right time, I thought it would take longer, can I really do this? I am not ready…what am I going to tell my mother…but I am planning a cruise in June…”
My answer…there is no such thing as the right time to have a baby.
There are better times than others, but no matter how much money you have, you never think you have enough money. No matter what kind of job you have you will never feel like you have enough time. No matter how much support you have you will always feel like the burden rests on you.
Although it may seem that some are more adept than others at this parenting thing, no one is born a parent. I just found out today that damn Dr. Spock, the guy who wrote the book on parenting, had a son that committed suicide. You are the expert on raising your child. I am not saying you should not seek advice, but you know what you hope for your child’s future and parents are are tasked with doing everything in your power to get that done.
I don’t mean to negate her fear. Fear is a natural response to the unknown. As important a job as this is, I would think a first time parent without any trepidation is a parent that does not realize the gravity of their task, or does not care.
I think essentially all that a child needs a parent that cares. If you are willing to try and love this little person and help them to navigate through this weird world of ours you really have nothing to fear.
I have a feeling that this is not the last time I will talk about this. I will try to share what I can about what I know about being a mommy in relation to the questions I am asked by my friend who is about to become a mommy… Congrats girl I am happy for you even if you have not decided to be happy for yourself yet.
Find Everywoman on Technorati
pregnancy advice
A very close friend was recently stunned by the news of her own pregnancy. This struck me as odd because she has been praying that she would someday have a child for at least the past 2 years. She has complained endlessly about her desire to get pregnant, her fears of not being able to get pregnant and her regrets for not thinking about this earlier in her life.
So, on Sunday morning I got a call. The stick had one and a half lines, and she was almost in tears. I instructed her to go pee on another stick. On Monday morning I called her “What’s the word?” I asked. The stick had two solid pink lines, and she made the blood test appointment. My response was Hooray!! I am so happy for you, let’s plan the baby shower!! She did not cry, but it was clear that she was not ready to plan the shower.
Her response to this joyous occasion went something like this “But it’s not the right time, I thought it would take longer, can I really do this? I am not ready…what am I going to tell my mother…but I am planning a cruise in June…”
My answer…there is no such thing as the right time to have a baby.
There are better times than others, but no matter how much money you have, you never think you have enough money. No matter what kind of job you have you will never feel like you have enough time. No matter how much support you have you will always feel like the burden rests on you.
Although it may seem that some are more adept than others at this parenting thing, no one is born a parent. I just found out today that damn Dr. Spock, the guy who wrote the book on parenting, had a son that committed suicide. You are the expert on raising your child. I am not saying you should not seek advice, but you know what you hope for your child’s future and parents are are tasked with doing everything in your power to get that done.
I don’t mean to negate her fear. Fear is a natural response to the unknown. As important a job as this is, I would think a first time parent without any trepidation is a parent that does not realize the gravity of their task, or does not care.
I think essentially all that a child needs a parent that cares. If you are willing to try and love this little person and help them to navigate through this weird world of ours you really have nothing to fear.
I have a feeling that this is not the last time I will talk about this. I will try to share what I can about what I know about being a mommy in relation to the questions I am asked by my friend who is about to become a mommy… Congrats girl I am happy for you even if you have not decided to be happy for yourself yet.
Find Everywoman on Technorati
pregnancy adviceFriday, October 12, 2007
What I know about: Being True to Yourself
By: JT
You may find if you choose to live your life in a way that goes against the status quo your choices may be challenged at every turn. I am in a place in my life where I have decide who I want to be, and how I want to live. I want to be happy, I choose to be nice, and try and treat people how I want to be treated. I want to respect my body and my morals and live within my own comfort zone. I want to develop my career, and eat healthy and raise my children to love and respect and behave. I thought these were qualities that I should aspire to. Not everyone thinks so.
At Work
In the office this week, I think I was insulted, but I am not sure. I was told that I was too nice. I did not know this, but apparently you cannot be nice to people at work, you cannot help people if they are not giving you something in return.
I don’t agree, so I am sure that my work relationship with people who feel that way will suffer.
When I go to work every day I want to do my best. I want to work in a way that God would be proud. I choose not be easily offended and choose to be happy even in the face of adversity. Being argumentative, judgmental and insulting to people does not does not accomplish this goal. I cannot imagine anything that anyone at work could say or do to me that would make me compromise my joy, or forsake my positive work ethic.
In Dating
I just started dating after being in relationships for the past 13 years. I come out into the world only to find out, in general if you are not sleeping around, you will only get one date. With almost every guy I have met, we have been on a traditional first date, and then asked to come to their house for the second date. I am a smart girl, I know what they want.
I have been told, by people who love me, I should take full advantage of this time. I should go ahead and have a “booty buddy” and a “out for lunch” guy, and fun party guy and just play the field. I have options and choices, I should just have fun.
No thanks,
I can have fun, but my idea of fun is not stringing multiple men along, or selling my body for a plate of popcorn shrimp. I need to feel comfortable with a person before I share that much of myself with them. I need to know that they care about me and don’t intend to hurt me before I let them so close to me. Call me old fashioned but I think you should have a relationship before you have sex. I can buy my own lunch, and attend parties with my friends, what I want is a companion.
I considered relaxing my standards a bit simply because my friends told me that in order to move forward with my life this is what I had to do. But after thinking it through I decided; the guy that is right for me is going to not only be okay with my standards, but he will care for me and respect me even more for having them. True that guy may be hard to find, but I believe that there are still men out there with morals and respect, and those are the guys for me!
Know who you are, know your standards and your limits and embrace them. Be who you are and love who you are. At the end of the day you and God are the only ones who have to be happy with your decisions about how you “do you”.
You may find if you choose to live your life in a way that goes against the status quo your choices may be challenged at every turn. I am in a place in my life where I have decide who I want to be, and how I want to live. I want to be happy, I choose to be nice, and try and treat people how I want to be treated. I want to respect my body and my morals and live within my own comfort zone. I want to develop my career, and eat healthy and raise my children to love and respect and behave. I thought these were qualities that I should aspire to. Not everyone thinks so.
At Work
In the office this week, I think I was insulted, but I am not sure. I was told that I was too nice. I did not know this, but apparently you cannot be nice to people at work, you cannot help people if they are not giving you something in return.
I don’t agree, so I am sure that my work relationship with people who feel that way will suffer.
When I go to work every day I want to do my best. I want to work in a way that God would be proud. I choose not be easily offended and choose to be happy even in the face of adversity. Being argumentative, judgmental and insulting to people does not does not accomplish this goal. I cannot imagine anything that anyone at work could say or do to me that would make me compromise my joy, or forsake my positive work ethic.
In Dating
I just started dating after being in relationships for the past 13 years. I come out into the world only to find out, in general if you are not sleeping around, you will only get one date. With almost every guy I have met, we have been on a traditional first date, and then asked to come to their house for the second date. I am a smart girl, I know what they want.
I have been told, by people who love me, I should take full advantage of this time. I should go ahead and have a “booty buddy” and a “out for lunch” guy, and fun party guy and just play the field. I have options and choices, I should just have fun.
No thanks,
I can have fun, but my idea of fun is not stringing multiple men along, or selling my body for a plate of popcorn shrimp. I need to feel comfortable with a person before I share that much of myself with them. I need to know that they care about me and don’t intend to hurt me before I let them so close to me. Call me old fashioned but I think you should have a relationship before you have sex. I can buy my own lunch, and attend parties with my friends, what I want is a companion.
I considered relaxing my standards a bit simply because my friends told me that in order to move forward with my life this is what I had to do. But after thinking it through I decided; the guy that is right for me is going to not only be okay with my standards, but he will care for me and respect me even more for having them. True that guy may be hard to find, but I believe that there are still men out there with morals and respect, and those are the guys for me!
Know who you are, know your standards and your limits and embrace them. Be who you are and love who you are. At the end of the day you and God are the only ones who have to be happy with your decisions about how you “do you”.
Monday, October 1, 2007
What I know about: Being Happy in the "NOW"
By Jennifer Texada (I have owed you this one for a while.I get teased bit about my always upbeat demeanor, especially at work. In the office, sometimes things are a little stressful, with deadlines, and complaining customers and such. Many of my co-workers tend toward complaining. Sometimes, I don't blame them, people can be mean, and deadlines can be short. Believe me sometimes I want to give into the peer pressure and complain right along with them, but when I catch myself doing it, I stop. I always try to turn it around with a statement of solution, resolution or something positive.
Why?
Because "This is a day that the lord has made, I WILL REJOICE and be GLAD in it." It is as simple as that for me. So far there is nothing going on at the office, in my house or in traffic that is bad enough for me to give up my happiness for. The next statement I make, may be controversial. I personally believe that happiness is a choice.
There, I said it.
I believe that if you want to be happy, you can, just like if you want to be offended, or stressed, or mad, you can do that too. I have things in my daily life that have the potential to steal my joy, but it is up to me if I let it. If someone cuts me off and steals my close to the store parking spot I can honk scream, swear and let it ruin that moment in my life, or I can go find another parking spot, and walk a little further. Thank you God I have legs to walk and the strength to get from that spot to my destination.
I love being happy, and I will defend my right to be so. It took me a long time to get here. I fought my share of battles with depression and hurt, and stress. I spent years looking for happiness in men, friends, food and malls. Finally after quite enough of that, I figured out that I can be happy if I want to be, no matter what. Even if there is something I lack at the moment, I refuse to let it steal my joy.
I also choose to speak only good and positive over my life, and the lives of others. This was a hard habit to gain. I think we all say things like "I am so stressed" in the heat of a trying moment. But I find that I am less stressed when I change my inner dialog to something like "It is going to be okay" or "Just hold on, this moment will pass". It is MY inner dialog I can say to myself whatever I want to. I choose to steer my inner dialog toward my joy instead of my decline.
I am pretty young, only 35. So maybe I am naive in thinking I have a choice in my emotional status. The way I see it, I spent many years choosing to be miserable, depressed and lonely, and I did a good job at that. Being unhappy is a hard way to live. So far this has already been easier.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
What I Know About: Riding out the Storms
By. Jennifer Texada
No matter how good you try to be, no matter how much as you may pray and no matter how you may be blessed you may feel there are always times in life where things are exactly going as expected.
For me this week it was a terribly high and unexpected car repair bill, a negative experience with my former spouse, then my furniture was not shipped or delivered the way I expected. Then on top of that I had to move into a smaller office at work, one of my new neighbors got their house broken into and I dropped my groceries all over the floor and broke a newly purchased carton of eggs (and as I already mentioned my money is tight)
So as a woman of faith how am I dealing? How am I in the midst’s of disappointment continuing to stay in faith and good spirits?
I am following my own advice.
First, God never said that there would not be storms, he said in the storms that is when you should really lean on him.
Second, I am trying in this storm to listen more carefully to what He is trying to tell me?
In the past, every time I have had one of these experiences I have come out smarter, more experienced, more polished. I equated to a diamond or a tumbled stone. A diamond has to be pressed hard, under intense pressure and heated evenly for years within a lump of coal to get the shine and value that it has. Maybe all of this pressure and heat is for a reason.
Maybe what I gain will be tantamount to the value and shine of a diamond.
I want to cry. I want to swear. I want to figure out my own way out of these circumstances. But what I will do is pump up the music pray until I can't pray anymore and walk slowly and carefully through this time of trial with an expectation that He will not only steer me out of this season un-scarred but let me find myself on the other side wiser and better off than I was when I first met the disappointments.
Friday, March 2, 2007
What I know about: Feeding the Monsters
By: Jennifer Texada
Monsters like Fear, Self-doubt, Anger, and Drama come to visit me all of the time. They used to love me, because I would put a bowl of food out for them whenever they would come around. But lately they don’t come around so much anymore, if they do come around they don’t tend to stay long. I don’t feed them anymore, if I do, they don’t get much.
I call them the monsters because they can be so big and destructive. When they creep into your life you can choose to feed them, and give them energy or you can starve them until they go away. And they always go away, eventually.
Feeding the monster is giving it fuel;
Step 1, if I call something drama, no matter how little or big it is, then it becomes drama.
Step 2, I tell my friends about my drama (i.e. Ooh girl, do I am going through some drama…).
Step 3, I let them feed my drama, invite them to comment and get angry or scared right along with me. Now this little issue has become very big, and will continue to grow until it is solved or I stop feeding it.
I know how tempting it is to feed the monsters. It is natural to want to label, validate and discuss your feelings, especially the negative ones. However the key to not creating monsters lies in how and how much you label, validate and discuss them.
It is not to say my life is monster-free, but when it they show up I know I have choices. I try and put those things that challenge me into perspective. If it deserves some energy I try to give it positive energy. If I must speak on it try to talk about its solution, or minimize its importance in the grand scheme of life. If I call it small, then it tends to become small in my mind, and in turn I handle it like a small problem.
If it becomes bigger than I want it to, or I feel like it is getting away from me, I give it to God. In the face of these things I draw my strength from knowing that there is no problem to big for my God to handle. As big or bad as something may seem my God is bigger and badder.
So stop feeding the monster and start greeting the challenges. Life is too short to allow obstacles to take over…and that’s all they are, obstacles. Some may be big, some may be small, but know that God will not give you anything you can’t handle.
Next Article: What I know about: Being happy in the now
Friday, January 5, 2007
What I know about: Not looking back
By Jennifer Texada
On my somewhat long list of resolutions having to do with health, wealth and organization there is one that stands out
"In 2007 I will move forward and not look back"
In truly examining how I was going to do this I realized, to truly move forward without looking back I think you have to forgive yourself for your actions of the past, truly forgive the people who have caused you pain and learn to be grateful for the lessons you learned and use those lessons to direct your forward path.
The biggest obstacle to moving forward is forgiveness. Forgiving yourself, and truly forgiving the people in your life that you feel have caused you pain. You can't cast blame and move forward at the same time.
If you have done something that has been of detriment to your progress, acknowledge it, pray on it, and let it go. It is over. Re-living and obsessing over it is not going to un-ring the bell. Take the lesson from it. Be grateful that in this stage of your life you have learned such a profound lesson that is SO important to your growth and… keep it moving.
The same rings true for forgiveness outside of yourself. To me, anger and grudges are like stepping in crap. Half the time you don’t even notice you have done it until it’s too late. Then you’d better wipe it clean quickly or you are going to hold on to it wherever you go, and once it gets dried up there is always a little stuck in the crevices.
People often ask, how I can remain friends with people who have treated me pretty poorly in the past. Sure, I get mad at people, but it never lasts long, I have no motivation for carrying negative energy around with me. It is heavy and it makes me feel awful. Anger is an emotion, like any emotion, it comes and passes. At the end of my anger I try to find gratitude for the lesson learned through this person or event. People move through your life for a reason. Whatever was done to you, made you stronger, or smarter, or more self- sufficient. Whatever it is you would not be the polished diamond that you are becoming if you hadn’t been squeezed by that lump of coal.
Someone once told me if you want to figure out if you have truly forgiven someone, buy him or her a gift. Not just a dollar store bauble, but really come out of your pocket and buy something that they would love. I would add onto that, give them a hug; if you have truly forgiven them you won't wince or shrug, you will embrace them with you whole body and heart. We are human, thus all flawed, and everyone makes mistakes. In my opinion, it is not my job to judge you or punish you for what you did to me or anyone else. God has got my back, and if you are not doing right he will take care of you far better than I ever could..
There are some amazing things coming my way, this year, I KNOW IT! I refuse to miss out something because I am too busy looking backwards. I resolve to find and let go of any lingering self doubt or hurt I have accumulated in the past year and truly move forward free of burden, free of fear.
Monday, December 11, 2006
What I Know About: Doing it on your own
By Jennifer Texada
I had been married about three months when I started to see the warning signs that I might not be in a healthy relationship. I had been fighting the drama for about a year and a half before I had the courage to step away from this dysfunctional relationship for the first time. I came back about 6 months later, but only to endure about 9 more months of lying and stealing before separation number 2 began. I moved with the responsibility of supporting our two children and he checked himself into an addiction treatment facility. The letters, calls and promises piled up and gave fuel to my fear of moving on. Six months later he was back “home”. This time it took two years before I discovered that not much had changed. I am not sure if he got better at hiding it or if I had gotten better at pretending it did not exist.
Part of the reason that I kept going back is that I wanted my marriage to work. I wanted to honor the vows I took in front of God and our families. I wanted my children to be raised with both their mother and father. The other part of why I kept trying was pure fear. It was the fear that I would not “make it” on my own. On top of the fear, there was this idea that my children could never be whole if I did not press on despite his destructive behavior.
At some point during all of this I decided I was going to stop living in fear. When I finally stepped out on faith and trusted God to take me through this he did exactly that, and all of the obstacles fell out of my way. In facing my fear I learned a few things that helped me to more confidently do it on my own.
1. I can do anything I put my mind to. I used to stay home instead of go to church without my husband, or take a vacation. I used to go months without an oil change or new tires because I felt uncomfortable in auto shops alone. During my times of fear I believed that I needed to keep what I had, because how would I ever manage without it. I realized that it was only fear that was fueling those thoughts. There was no reason that I could not go to church without him. They were just as happy to see me as they were to see us there. So far I have been sold tires, gone on vacation with my friends, brought in my own groceries, called the yard guy to mow the lawn, the list of all of the things I have done on my own is endless. Not only can I do them, I can do them faster. I don’t have to wait for him to decide that my needs are important enough. If I can do it, anyone can.
2. I am enough. I am a child of God and in Him I am sufficient. Having a significant other does not make me any more whole or healthy. Striving for health and wholeness is what makes me healthy and whole. Yes in a perfect world the union of man and woman is blessed, and children thrive with both parents. However, in theory people are also more productive with 2 legs. But what if one of those legs is gangrenous? Should we keep it despite the fact that its existence could devour the entire body? Or remove it, mourn its loss and find wholeness in your life without it? I know that this example is a little harsh but I think it illustrates my point. I know lots of people with 2 legs that never go anywhere. While the few people I know with one leg, live every day to the fullest, and I dare you to tell them they are not whole.
3. I am not alone. I have some wonderful friends and family. I am blessed with so many people who have helped to support myself, and my children through this journey. Before I went through this, I often felt that I could not lean on anyone. I was such and “independent woman” I could do it all. What I soon discovered is that these people love me and are happy to be my rock in time of need. I am not in good spirits every day. When those days come I make a call, and I am encouraged or soothed or listened to. If you feel like you don’t have these people go find them. Join a church, take a class or group counseling session, reconnect with the people you used to know, chances are they are still there and still love you.
I have been through quite a journey. However I feel I am successful in my single-hood. My children are doing well; my ex and I are friends and co-parenting. I have a great job, and making enough to buy MY family a new house. I have a fun and busy life; I do exactly what I want to do, when I want to do it.
I am often asked if I miss the relationship, the companionship? Sometimes, but I don’t miss the fear, pain and uncertainty of the former relationship. Plus, I am so in love with my new life, and I am satisfied with what I have been blessed with today and choose not to be consumed with what I may or may not be lacking.
Friday, November 17, 2006
What I Know About: Stepping out on Faith
By Jennifer Texada
A friend of mine came back from a business trip only to discover that she had no home to come back to. Her condo had been damaged extensively in a flood triggered by a broken pipe. Despite the dismal situation, I had to ask myself: Is this just a leaky pipe, or has God taken all excuses away from my friend so she can move on?
A friend of mine came back from a business trip only to discover that she had no home to come back to. Her condo had been damaged extensively in a flood triggered by a broken pipe. Despite the dismal situation, I had to ask myself: Is this just a leaky pipe, or has God taken all excuses away from my friend so she can move on?
Let me rewind. My friend is 36, never married, has no children, recently broke up with her boyfriend of 3 years, and now her company is about to close and lay everyone off. She has been harboring a secret desire to pack up and move down south away from the snow, high prices and the slim selection of quality black men for a few years now but has yet to do anything but complain about what her life lacks.
Until recently she has always had an excuse. The big one was her boyfriend, he wouldn’t move, so she couldn’t move. But about a year later he decides that he didn’t want to do anything that she wanted to do and they broke up. Then it was her job, it was easy and stable, until they announced they were closing and moving the office to Canada. Next it was the condo and she always thought she could get more if she hung on to it for a little longer. Now she is going to have to invest into it just to get out and hopefully break even. I mean she even tried to tell me once, that she had to stay for her parent's sake, who are now enjoying their winters in sunny Florida. Did all of these obstacles magically disappear or is this Divine intervention?
My last conversation with her drove me to frustration and I exploded with, “JUST GO! Stop whining and move. I mean you can't move forward if you are standing still.” I may not sound too “friend-ish”, but I refuse to I listen to her complain about this for another year!
Do I empathize with her situation? Yes, I know what it is to have fears, but I choose not to let them dictate my life. Whenever I don't like my situation, I do what it takes to get myself into a better one. I have moved about 4 times in the last 7 years. It seems like a lot right? But what if I told you in these 7 years I have accomplished almost all of the goals on my “Life to-do List” would you say the same? I don’t regret a single move, because I know that I am far beyond where I would have been if I stayed in the same spot.
I truly believe in following your heart and pursuing your goals despite all challenges. But what both of these bold moves require is faith. Knowing that you are a part of God’s plan and he will provide a way for you even when you can’t see it. To some, I may look like an unstable nut, but I am a happy nut, pursuing her bliss. I think people are generally afraid to move forward because of a fear of the unknown. They question, What if I do "ABC" and it doesn't work? But when you step out on faith your only focus should be, what if it does?
I want to encourage my friend, and every woman who is striving to make fearless decisions in their lives, keep these two principles in mind: #1 through great risk comes great reward, and #2 God will move you through anything if you just trust in Him.
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