What I Know: About Following my Own Advice

By: Jennifer Texada
As you all are so painfully aware I dish out tons of advice. I have been through lots of stuff in my life and have learned some tough lessons, it would be wrong for me to not share what I know. Right? However in the last few days I have been faced with the ghosts of my own advice. Right in the midst of trying to get people to hear me, and follow God, and not make the same mistakes, I am now being forced to walk what I talk.

First, I always talk about how you are only treated the way that you allow people to treat you. If you are going to stand there and let people insult and berate you then you get what you get. So I "had" a "friend" I think you might have read about him in an earlier post who was negative, condescending and careless with the feelings of others. I kept answering the phone when he called, or entertaining his conversations when he stopped by my office. The more I did so, the more my feelings got hurt. Is he really to blame for having these opinions and expressing them unapologetically? No, that is who he is and who he has the right to be.

I did not like that channel, so I turned it off.

Another one of of my friends has been going through struggles in her marriage. As many of us do, in the arguments she was holding the present issues next to the issues of the past. I told her that it was not fair to throw the things that he did in the past in his face, especially since you claim to have forgiven and forgotten those issues. Stick to the issues today, and work forward. We do not like it at all when our parents, and bosses and enemies bring up our failures to discredit or demean us, why would you purposefully do that to the man you claim to love? Neither of you are perfect.

That sounded like great advice, until I was faced with the same challenge. A man from my past asked me to lunch. A simple meal, in the middle of the day, no more than an hour long. I did not want to go, because of his past mistakes, things that I could not let go of. Then on Sunday, my pastor started talking about how God has forgotten your mistakes and he only sees your potential for growth. He can forgive anything, but I am so good that I cannot? Great, more self reflection.

So I have agreed to go to lunch.

I am frustrated with having to look inward right now. I really feel like shutting up with the advice. It seems like the more I share the more I am challenged to hold myself to a higher standard. That requires personal growth, which is uncomfortable. But I truly believe that God can only bless you where you are. If I want bigger blessings and a better relationship with him, then I am going to have to step up. Unfortunately for you, this means that I will continue to dish it out for a now. (Sorry)

What I know about: Not looking back

By Jennifer Texada

On my somewhat long list of resolutions having to do with health, wealth and organization there is one that stands out

"In 2007 I will move forward and not look back"

In truly examining how I was going to do this I realized, to truly move forward without looking back I think you have to forgive yourself for your actions of the past, truly forgive the people who have caused you pain and learn to be grateful for the lessons you learned and use those lessons to direct your forward path.

The biggest obstacle to moving forward is forgiveness. Forgiving yourself, and truly forgiving the people in your life that you feel have caused you pain. You can't cast blame and move forward at the same time.

If you have done something that has been of detriment to your progress, acknowledge it, pray on it, and let it go. It is over. Re-living and obsessing over it is not going to un-ring the bell. Take the lesson from it. Be grateful that in this stage of your life you have learned such a profound lesson that is SO important to your growth and… keep it moving.

The same rings true for forgiveness outside of yourself. To me, anger and grudges are like stepping in crap. Half the time you don’t even notice you have done it until it’s too late. Then you’d better wipe it clean quickly or you are going to hold on to it wherever you go, and once it gets dried up there is always a little stuck in the crevices.

People often ask, how I can remain friends with people who have treated me pretty poorly in the past. Sure, I get mad at people, but it never lasts long, I have no motivation for carrying negative energy around with me. It is heavy and it makes me feel awful. Anger is an emotion, like any emotion, it comes and passes. At the end of my anger I try to find gratitude for the lesson learned through this person or event. People move through your life for a reason. Whatever was done to you, made you stronger, or smarter, or more self- sufficient. Whatever it is you would not be the polished diamond that you are becoming if you hadn’t been squeezed by that lump of coal.

Someone once told me if you want to figure out if you have truly forgiven someone, buy him or her a gift. Not just a dollar store bauble, but really come out of your pocket and buy something that they would love. I would add onto that, give them a hug; if you have truly forgiven them you won't wince or shrug, you will embrace them with you whole body and heart. We are human, thus all flawed, and everyone makes mistakes. In my opinion, it is not my job to judge you or punish you for what you did to me or anyone else. God has got my back, and if you are not doing right he will take care of you far better than I ever could..

There are some amazing things coming my way, this year, I KNOW IT! I refuse to miss out something because I am too busy looking backwards. I resolve to find and let go of any lingering self doubt or hurt I have accumulated in the past year and truly move forward free of burden, free of fear.