What I know: Parenting - Exposure

By Jennifer Texada

I am going to do things a little different this time. I have moved the blog to a new location

http://i2ameverywoman.wordpress.com/

So here are the first few paragraphs of the the most recent post. Click the link at the end to read the entire post.

For the last few days of spring break I took my girls out to the Lake Livingston National Park in Livingston Texas to go camping. Yes camping, in tents in the woods with dirt and campfires and all of that. We had a pretty great time. We hiked on a little trail, and got up early and went fishing. My youngest daughter touched her first worms. It was beautiful, relaxing and cheap.
I realize that dirt is not for everyone, but dirt and worms aside; I know that my daughters will remember that experience for the rest of their lives. They also learned that if they can put up a tent, and bait a hook, then they can probably do anything if they put their mind to it.
I believe that the limitations we put on ourselves are purely mental. When I told my friends what I was doing, a few of them said “Whaaat, black people don’t camp!” Read the rest of What I know: Parenting - Exposure

I think: No Passing the Buck

No Passing the Buck
By: Mia Black
4/7/08

As my husband and I rode in this morning, we listened to talk radio. This morning’s topic was, “Is the School System Failing Black Boys?” They were speaking of elementary age boys from about the second to the fourth grade. It went about 50/50. Those that supported the fact that it’s the school’s fault that the kids aren’t learning or reaching their full potential, and those that blamed the parents for allowing their kid to reach the third or fourth grade without saying anything. For me I blame both. But when I look at the school, I don’t blame the teachers, I blame the school board.

My daughter attends the Boston Public School System –ugh! It pains me to say that, but at the same time, I don’t worry that she is lacking because I do my job at home. I don’t have the money to send her to private school, but I do have the time to invest into my child by creating my own curriculum at home. I guide her and she lets me know when she is ready to move on to the next step. By the time she got to that school age, she was much more advanced than the other students, but I was able to convey to the teachers where she was at, give them a copy of her annual syllabus, and tell them how best my child learns.

But the reason I was able to convey my concerns to her teachers with such ease is because I did an intense search for her school. I had eleven to choose from and I narrowed my search down to four. I visited each school during their open houses and did a pop-up during the day at each. This school was a good fit all around. But I was amazed at some of the questions the parents would ask, “do you serve breakfast?”, “how late can I pick them up?”, “Is that the only playground you have?” And people somehow have the nerve to say it’s the school systems failing the kids?

I’m not by any means saying I am the only parent out here that is working with their kid at home, but when my kid is reading to her class and the class below her, I’m proud and concerned all at the same time. I’m working with a school board that does not believe in promoting a student based on their intelligence, only by their age. So even though her class is working on writing their basic letters and she’s practicing cursive, by the schools standards, she’s not old enough for that yet. Funny how they don’t understand that the “No Child Left Behind”, is a double edged sword.

That is why I don’t put the blame so much on the teacher as I do the school board and their policies. The school board is the one that decides on the curriculum, not the teacher. The school board decides that no matter how smart or advanced a child is, if they’re not the right age, they won’t advance. The school board decides the tardy policies. I had to put that last one in there because my husband’s client was sent home for being tardy. Absolutely absurd to me, but I’m not on the school board and his mother had no problem with it. She got to go to work early because he could watch his little brother.

I Think: Marriage and Faith

By: Mia Black

What do you do when you call yourself a woman of God and you find yourself knocking on the door of divorce? For me I got down on my knees and prayed to God. I don’t know what I prayed for, but I can say that He has stepped in and renewed my faith in His power, His strength, and His on-going presence in my life. No doubt my husband has his shortcomings, but mine are there right alongside his.

My problem stems from my mouth. I talk things to death to all the wrong people. The only person I should be sharing this with is God and other married women that have been in my shoes and stuck through the bad times. But unfortunately I run to my group of friends. Not that I don’t get their blessings, but it is not the same. None of my close friends are married. Some have walked in my shoes and some have had long relationships with the fathers of their children, and some have no children at all, but ultimately marriage was not their final decision like mine. It doesn’t make anybody right or wrong, it just breaks that commonality that once linked all of us.

Because for me right now, I know I am not going to leave my husband. I know that when I came to do this the second time around, that this was it, hell or high water, and God willing; I am going have a 50 year anniversary. Because the one thing I did in this marriage that I didn’t do in my previous marriage is have kids.

Now I’ve been told by numerous people don’t stay married just for the kids. You need to think about you and what’s best for you and your happiness and you, you, you, you….blah, blah, blah. I’m sorry, but I will stay married for my kids. I apologize for my Whitney quote, but I do believe our children are our future. The day I chose to have kids with this man, was the day I vowed to make every effort and sacrifice to ensure they have both parents in their house everyday. This is not law or the way it should be, but it is me being true to the morals and values I was raised with. You marry the person you have children with. And I am not ashamed of these morals or values, to the point that I want to pass them down to my kids. And the only way I can pass them down is to lead by example.

I know my kids have witnessed arguments and they know when we run short on money to pay some of the bills, but are those reasons worth leaving my husband for? Hell no. Because for the rough times that they have experienced, they have seen tenfold the happy times. In my household, it is not mommy that gets them up for school and all that morning stuff that I just can’t handle; that is all Daddy. Daddy get’s them up, dressed, and dropped off at daycare and school everyday. When Mommy needs a break, Daddy takes them to the park or movies and spoils them rotten. Monday is Mommy’s day off so Mommy doesn’t have to do anything. Daddy has the morning and evening routine. Every Saturday and Sunday they sit down to breakfast and dinner with Mommy and Daddy. It would be more, but my husband’s and my schedule are offset. Then there are the holiday eves and mornings that will hopefully set traditions in their lives as they were set in mine.

I use these examples from listening to my friends, co-workers, and acquaintances along my journey in life, and I do hear about the impact that divorce does have on kids. Not seeing or knowing their father. Having to spend the holidays with just one parent or being battled over in court and having to choose which parent. Sorry, just not something I want to put my kids through. So if I have to shed a few tears or not go on a vacation or two, I will do it. My kids are worth it.

I don’t claim to have the answers to a happy marriage, but overall, yes I do believe I have a happy marriage. By no means is it perfect, but God didn’t promise me perfect. And every challenge and every obstacle He has set in my marriage, has made me and my husband grow as individuals and united us as a couple. I will say we have been through some serious tests that I’m sure most marriages won’t experience in a lifetime. But I must constantly remind myself, we have only been married for three years. In the span of forever that I vowed my husband and God; that is nothing. How can I quit on forever when I only gave it three years? I don’t know what God has in store for us. I have and will continue to pray for forever, because I owe it to myself, my husband and most of all God and my kids. And I have the faith in God that He has my back and is working behind the scenes on my behalf.

marriage

From our kids: Do parents go to far?

By Iyana E. (age 12.5)
Parents love you, parents care for you, and parents also butt into your business.

We all know parents only want to protect us. However sometimes they go too far. Digging in are stuff is bad. Listening to phone calls, and reading your diary is worst. Say for example,say the mother of a 14 year old daugter, the daughter has a new boyfriend, however mom doesn't trust him, so she listens to their calls. one day while mom was listening, and she heard somthing about a party she wasn't suppose to know about. Then mom grounds her and tells her that she cannot talk to her boyfriend anymore. Later she comes to find out her daugher and the boy were just planning a surprise birthday party for mom.Some times situations like this occur, and even the best parents end up embarassing them selves.

In my opinion, parents just need to talk to their kids. Just because kids aren't telling you something, it doesn't mean thier doing anything wrong. My mom and I always talk, if we need to. If she does need to know something, she just asks me, before jumping to conclusions. I usually just go ahead and tell her what's going on. If I don't she understands that it is somthing that I am not ready to talk about or no big deal and she leaves me alone. I usually tell her eventually, because I trust her and she trusts me.

I'm not Dr.phil or oprah, but sometimes parents just need to leave their kids alone, and trust that thier kids are not dumb. If their is a problem or a situation, your kids will talk to you when their ready. Kids and parents just need to learn how to trust each other. That's the bottom line

- what do you think?