By Jennifer Texada
A friend called me a few weeks ago crying (again) complaining (again) about something that the "Him" in her life had done. In the middle of the conversation she mentioned that she was tired of everything in her life being about "Him". She felt like she was becoming one of "those women" who's whole life and happiness revolved around her guy. I guess that is fine for trophy wives and first ladies, but for most of us that is not a healthy way to live.
So I asked her to do what I did back when I felt like I was losing myself. To be honest, by the time I had figured this out, I had already lost myself and was going on a full scale hunt! I told her to make a list of the things that were just about her, the things that she loved to do. It turns out that this was not an easy list to make. She had been in this situation so long she had no idea who she was and what she liked.
When I was in this situation, these are the 2 questions that helped me to figure it out.
1-When was the last time you were happy, and feeling totally free? What did you do for fun, and what made you happy?
2- If you were single, and had no kids, where would you go, what would you do?
She starts with "That is all well and good but how am I really going to do that" already making excuses. "He can do what he wants, because he has a babysitter, me I have children I cannot just do whatever I want when I want to".
Point taken, hire a babysitter. Isn't your sanity and happiness is worth $20 a week for a few hours of freedom.
Yesterday she called me from the nail salon. A.K.A. the place where happiness begins.
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2 comments:
It is hard to "find" yourself after having kids and a man to deal with. I think as women we are at our best taking care of our men and children. That is what we love to do- we are nurtures (spelling!!) The problem comes in when we get stuck with a man or a situation that takes away from our "joy" and we feel unappreciated. Those times are ineveitable even in the best of relationships. I believe we need to definitely keep a sense of individuality within our relationships so that at times like these we wont have to re-discover ourselves we just have to tap into what we already have and be rejuvanated.
Amen!!!! LOVE YOURSELF to find your self worth. This way you will accept nothing but the best when “they” come around. “They”, meaning that him or that toxic friend or family member.
It’s difficult to be nice to people when you’re not nice to yourself. And it’s difficult to be nice to yourself when you don’t feel good about yourself. If you think this sounds easy, callous, complex, or like a lot of work, you’re on the money. Working on yourself and cultivating your own self-esteem is tons of work. It’s a regular 9-5. You’ll never receive your final certificate of completion and be told it’s time to stop working on your self-esteem. You’ll never arrive at a point in life when you make the announcement, “I have plenty of happiness and self-esteem. I’m not working any more. Thanks.”
Here’s a sweeping challenge: Make it a priority to fall back in love with yourself.
Don't lose yourself choose yourself!
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