A very close friend was recently stunned by the news of her own pregnancy. This struck me as odd because she has been praying that she would someday have a child for at least the past 2 years. She has complained endlessly about her desire to get pregnant, her fears of not being able to get pregnant and her regrets for not thinking about this earlier in her life.
So, on Sunday morning I got a call. The stick had one and a half lines, and she was almost in tears. I instructed her to go pee on another stick. On Monday morning I called her “What’s the word?” I asked. The stick had two solid pink lines, and she made the blood test appointment. My response was Hooray!! I am so happy for you, let’s plan the baby shower!! She did not cry, but it was clear that she was not ready to plan the shower.
Her response to this joyous occasion went something like this “But it’s not the right time, I thought it would take longer, can I really do this? I am not ready…what am I going to tell my mother…but I am planning a cruise in June…”
My answer…there is no such thing as the right time to have a baby.
There are better times than others, but no matter how much money you have, you never think you have enough money. No matter what kind of job you have you will never feel like you have enough time. No matter how much support you have you will always feel like the burden rests on you.
Although it may seem that some are more adept than others at this parenting thing, no one is born a parent. I just found out today that damn Dr. Spock, the guy who wrote the book on parenting, had a son that committed suicide. You are the expert on raising your child. I am not saying you should not seek advice, but you know what you hope for your child’s future and parents are are tasked with doing everything in your power to get that done.
I don’t mean to negate her fear. Fear is a natural response to the unknown. As important a job as this is, I would think a first time parent without any trepidation is a parent that does not realize the gravity of their task, or does not care.
I think essentially all that a child needs a parent that cares. If you are willing to try and love this little person and help them to navigate through this weird world of ours you really have nothing to fear.
I have a feeling that this is not the last time I will talk about this. I will try to share what I can about what I know about being a mommy in relation to the questions I am asked by my friend who is about to become a mommy… Congrats girl I am happy for you even if you have not decided to be happy for yourself yet.
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1 comment:
Update! My Godson is now 4 months old, and my friend is really starting to get the hang of motherhood... with a little help from her friends and her mate:)
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