What I know about: Being Happy in the "NOW"

By Jennifer Texada (I have owed you this one for a while.

I get teased bit about my always upbeat demeanor, especially at work. In the office, sometimes things are a little stressful, with deadlines, and complaining customers and such. Many of my co-workers tend toward complaining. Sometimes, I don't blame them, people can be mean, and deadlines can be short. Believe me sometimes I want to give into the peer pressure and complain right along with them, but when I catch myself doing it, I stop. I always try to turn it around with a statement of solution, resolution or something positive.

Why?
Because "This is a day that the lord has made, I WILL REJOICE and be GLAD in it." It is as simple as that for me. So far there is nothing going on at the office, in my house or in traffic that is bad enough for me to give up my happiness for. The next statement I make, may be controversial. I personally believe that happiness is a choice.
There, I said it.
I believe that if you want to be happy, you can, just like if you want to be offended, or stressed, or mad, you can do that too. I have things in my daily life that have the potential to steal my joy, but it is up to me if I let it. If someone cuts me off and steals my close to the store parking spot I can honk scream, swear and let it ruin that moment in my life, or I can go find another parking spot, and walk a little further. Thank you God I have legs to walk and the strength to get from that spot to my destination.
I love being happy, and I will defend my right to be so. It took me a long time to get here. I fought my share of battles with depression and hurt, and stress. I spent years looking for happiness in men, friends, food and malls. Finally after quite enough of that, I figured out that I can be happy if I want to be, no matter what. Even if there is something I lack at the moment, I refuse to let it steal my joy.
I also choose to speak only good and positive over my life, and the lives of others. This was a hard habit to gain. I think we all say things like "I am so stressed" in the heat of a trying moment. But I find that I am less stressed when I change my inner dialog to something like "It is going to be okay" or "Just hold on, this moment will pass". It is MY inner dialog I can say to myself whatever I want to. I choose to steer my inner dialog toward my joy instead of my decline.
I am pretty young, only 35. So maybe I am naive in thinking I have a choice in my emotional status. The way I see it, I spent many years choosing to be miserable, depressed and lonely, and I did a good job at that. Being unhappy is a hard way to live. So far this has already been easier.

What I Know About: Riding out the Storms

By. Jennifer Texada

No matter how good you try to be, no matter how much as you may pray and no matter how you may be blessed you may feel there are always times in life where things are exactly going as expected.

For me this week it was a terribly high and unexpected car repair bill, a negative experience with my former spouse, then my furniture was not shipped or delivered the way I expected. Then on top of that I had to move into a smaller office at work, one of my new neighbors got their house broken into and I dropped my groceries all over the floor and broke a newly purchased carton of eggs (and as I already mentioned my money is tight)

So as a woman of faith how am I dealing? How am I in the midst’s of disappointment continuing to stay in faith and good spirits?

I am following my own advice.

First, God never said that there would not be storms, he said in the storms that is when you should really lean on him.

Second, I am trying in this storm to listen more carefully to what He is trying to tell me?

In the past, every time I have had one of these experiences I have come out smarter, more experienced, more polished. I equated to a diamond or a tumbled stone. A diamond has to be pressed hard, under intense pressure and heated evenly for years within a lump of coal to get the shine and value that it has. Maybe all of this pressure and heat is for a reason.

Maybe what I gain will be tantamount to the value and shine of a diamond.

I want to cry. I want to swear. I want to figure out my own way out of these circumstances. But what I will do is pump up the music pray until I can't pray anymore and walk slowly and carefully through this time of trial with an expectation that He will not only steer me out of this season un-scarred but let me find myself on the other side wiser and better off than I was when I first met the disappointments.

What are You bringing to the Table?

By: Mia Black

In recent months the topic of relationships has continually come up in my random discussions with friends. Some friends are married, others going through divorce, and some are on the dating scene. Despite the difference in relationship types, I keep hearing the same themes over and over again, to the point that I feel compelled to explore and discuss the current state relationships between men and women as I see it and as they have been presented to me.

It is a complex subject, so I am going to take baby bites and start at step one with the dating scene, and “The Hunt for Mr. Right.” I will explore this entire subject from a black woman’s point of view and dating/marrying the black man. It is not that other races cannot relate, but the women and men that I talk to and hear about are of African-American descent.

Now back to the question at hand, what are you bringing to the table? I ask this question because I believe how you answer this question is going to determine how well you sustain that life-long commitment that you have made or will decide to make. In order to sustain a lasting relation ship you have to really know yourself and what you have to offer someone else before you gout out there trying to offer “it”.

• Are you are the type to just show up to the table waiting for dinner to be served, you have pushed at least 90% of your relationship’s responsibility on your significant other.

• Do you show up at least with the table setting, you are showing an honest effort, and you can raise your expectations a little?

• Or are you waiting at the table custom place settings and five-course meal spread.

Waiting to be Served: All of us have encountered this person in our pursuit of happiness at one point or another. Men may call her a goldigger, and women may quote TLC and call him a scrub. By either name, this person offers you nothing but a head and heartache. They are needy because they have nothing to offer so they suck the living life out of you. Unfortunately the more soft-hearted person gets caught up in being needed and providing a little longer than necessary, because you can’t do anything but feel sorry for this person.

The Scrub/The Goldigger: This person has no car, no job (by choice), excessive debt, and a couch in their friend’s living room is their home or in other words, no adult responsibilities. I am by no means bashing this person because I believe there is someone out there for everyone. The problem I have is that they always leave the person serving the five-course wondering why their love and efforts have not been reciprocated.

Now I’m not a psychologist or some expert on relationships, but from my experience in dealing with this person, they really don’t take anything seriously. Because when you get to the point to where I was, (wanting to settle down and get married), investing your time on the this person became draining and expensive. Supporting someone who was not ready to become an adult yet, was not who I was looking to raise a family with.

Ready to Set the Table: Now this person may not be exactly where you are in life, but they have getting there. I think this is the person who most of us date and end up marrying. They have their life together, for the most part. By the time you realize that there are some real flaws, you have already let your guard down and are well into the relationship. But you may have also gotten to a point in the relationship that you feel comfortable with disagreeing and voicing your opinions, and begin to feel like all you do is fight. Are these just arguments or warning signs that this is not really the right person for you.

Just an Argument Vs. Warning Signs: There is such a big difference between the two. Let’s be honest, within any relationship arguments are going to occur. For instance you are dating for four months and your partner asks to borrow $300. Whoa! But let’s face it finances can mess up any relationship/marriage. And it’s happening more and more these days, opening our wallets before there’s even an engagement ring. Just an Argument: you’re upset because you are giving up $300, but the transmission in his car just went. But because you have your own car, you know car repairs never come cheap and they have the poorest financial timing. Warning Sign: He wants to go on a trip with his buddies. Hmmm…$300 for a trip you’re not even invited to. Does this make sense? Blowing your last dime on a trip for him?

The tricky part about the warning sign is that we have all at one point in our lives ignored them in the hopes for the “change”. And in the process of waiting for that miraculous change, we have wasted valuable years just to have the relationship end anyways or we end up bringing children into the mix.

The Five-Course Meal: This person is the full package, the one that we are all pretty much looking for. They have their quirks, but basically everyone in this relationship is on the same page (you have both completed your education, you are at the same level in your careers, your financial goals and savings are on point, family values are similar). But unfortunately many of us rushed, out of desperation to achieve marriage and a family by age __ (everyone’s goal is different), and haven’t waited for this person. Instead we have let the above examples in and become comfortable with our lower expectations.

Well this sums up the dating scene players. In a blog to post by the end of next week, I will go into more depth about how we need to date all of these types of people.

WAIT! Before you read the next blog do these two things for me.

1) Figure out which person you are

2) Figure out which person you date

What I know about: Feeding the Monsters

By: Jennifer Texada

Monsters like Fear, Self-doubt, Anger, and Drama come to visit me all of the time. They used to love me, because I would put a bowl of food out for them whenever they would come around. But lately they don’t come around so much anymore, if they do come around they don’t tend to stay long. I don’t feed them anymore, if I do, they don’t get much.

I call them the monsters because they can be so big and destructive. When they creep into your life you can choose to feed them, and give them energy or you can starve them until they go away. And they always go away, eventually.

Feeding the monster is giving it fuel;

Step 1, if I call something drama, no matter how little or big it is, then it becomes drama.

Step 2, I tell my friends about my drama (i.e. Ooh girl, do I am going through some drama…).

Step 3, I let them feed my drama, invite them to comment and get angry or scared right along with me. Now this little issue has become very big, and will continue to grow until it is solved or I stop feeding it.

I know how tempting it is to feed the monsters. It is natural to want to label, validate and discuss your feelings, especially the negative ones. However the key to not creating monsters lies in how and how much you label, validate and discuss them.

It is not to say my life is monster-free, but when it they show up I know I have choices. I try and put those things that challenge me into perspective. If it deserves some energy I try to give it positive energy. If I must speak on it try to talk about its solution, or minimize its importance in the grand scheme of life. If I call it small, then it tends to become small in my mind, and in turn I handle it like a small problem.

If it becomes bigger than I want it to, or I feel like it is getting away from me, I give it to God. In the face of these things I draw my strength from knowing that there is no problem to big for my God to handle. As big or bad as something may seem my God is bigger and badder.

So stop feeding the monster and start greeting the challenges. Life is too short to allow obstacles to take over…and that’s all they are, obstacles. Some may be big, some may be small, but know that God will not give you anything you can’t handle.


Next Article: What I know about: Being happy in the now